


bumblebee

by swingis



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, LIKE A LOT MORE, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28757007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swingis/pseuds/swingis
Summary: schlatt's not the best dad, but he really does try. he tries a lot.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Jschlatt, Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo
Kudos: 48





	bumblebee

**Author's Note:**

> dumb lil dadschlatt au thing ive been brewin up in my brain. this is so stupiddd but whateverrr i like itttt. its gonna be like a lotta chapters i think cuz. i just rlly rlly like writin family stuff...
> 
> hey on another note why the fuck do i have write bad's wholeass name for his character tag. let me just put badboyhalo and be done with it

Schlatt had it made. He was a wealthy businessman, he had a very comfortable living, and his life was just all around going steady.

Until one night a kid showed up on his doorstep and shit went wrong.

It wasn't like in the movies, where the baby mysteriously shows up in a basket, asleep, swaddled comfortably in a blanket. No, it was a shitty and cold night, it was storming like a motherfucker, the baby showed up in a cardboard box and was very much awake and very much crying.

Schlatt felt compelled to just leave the baby out there, he had no interest nor even the utilities to take care of a baby. But he wasn't a monster, or at least not completely, he couldn't keep the baby out there to either freeze to death or get snatched up by someone with horrible intentions. So, reluctantly, he brought the box inside.

The box had been out in the rain for a good while, it had gotten all soggy and the baby inside was all wet and cold. Schlatt took his own hoodie off and wrapped it around the shivering child, who at this point had stopped crying. He peered into the box to find a small little blanket and a couple of stuffed animals in it. Oh how generous, whoever dumped this baby on his doorstep left them with some of their toys, now he’s all set to raise this little thing.

His first move is to call his sister Puffy. I mean, sure, they don’t talk all that often, they only have the occasional phone call to make sure the other hasn’t died. He thought that she must have had at least some experience with kids, or at least have friends who do. So he called her up.

“Schlatt…?” Puffy said groggily over the phone, “Do you have any clue how late it is?”  
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep, but this is actually pretty damn important. You aren’t gonna believe me when I tell you this, but like a baby just randomly showed up on my door.”  
“... Yeah I don’t believe that. That sounds very stupid, Schlatt.”  
“Well, do you wanna come over and see so for yourself? I’m not joking about this, Puffy. I’ve got a living, breathing child who just showed up on my doorstep.”  
“Jeez… How old even is he?” Her voice got noticeably less tired, slipping into an almost concerned tone.  
“If I had to say… like three? Four, even? God I don’t know… What do I even do…”

Some shuffling was heard on the other end of the line, must've been Puffy sitting up in her bed, “Do you even know what stuff to get for a kid?”  
“No, not really.”  
“Well, I don’t either.”  
“Wow, thanks for your help.”  
Schlatt almost hung up, before Puffy spoke again, “I have a friend who has a kid, I could get you two in touch? He’s pretty fatherly, you two could talk about fatherly things like fathers.”  
“I don’t wanna be some dad to this kid, Puffy. That’s a whole shit ton of responsibility, and I know I won’t even be a good dad.”  
“I mean, it’s either that or he gets bounced through the foster system and has the probability of landing in an even worse household. Even if you can’t be there for the kid emotionally, you have enough money to fill the void of a strong father figure.”

Schlatt took a moment to think about that, “I… I mean I guess? Yeah, you’re right…”  
“Alright, I’m glad you’re making the right choice. I’ll give my friend your number, you can meet up with him tomorrow. For now… get some sleep, Schlatt,” Puffy said, before hanging up.

Sleep… right yeah… The kid was already fast asleep on the couch, I guess that has their sleeping arrangement all situated until Schlatt is able to get a crib. Schlatt gets the toddler a throw blanket before heading to bed himself, exhausted, and admittedly less than ready to deal with the day ahead of him.

When Schlatt woke up and checked he phone, he saw a message from an unknown number. Must’ve been Puffy’s friend she was talking about. Schlatt responded.

???: Hey! You must be Puffy’s brother, right?  
Schlatt: Yeah. Are you her friend she was talking about?  
???: Yep! My name’s Bad, I heard you wanted parenting advice?  
Schlatt: I guess so. You tryna meet up and talk or what.  
Bad: Sure! :D

They made plans to meet later that day at a coffee shop. Schlatt got all dressed, and it almost slipped his mind that, oh yeah, he kind of has a baby still. He should probably… take care of that. Or find someone else to take care of that. He opts for calling around to find a babysitter. Someone in his contacts list has gotta have a teen willing to put up with the kid for an hour. He finally found one, some kid named Quackity. God damn who would name their child Quackity? Schlatt promised himself that once he got around to naming his kid, he wouldn’t name them any stupid shit.

He had to wait for Quackity to get there, causing him to be annoyingly late to meeting up with Puffy’s friend. (Not that he particularly cared, of course…) He handed the teen 40 dollars and left, simply telling him to not burn the house down.

When he walked into the little coffee shop, his attention was quickly caught, “Schlatt, Schlatt! Over here!” Bad called him over two a small round table he was sitting at, Schlatt walked over to him, “I went and got you a coffee, I hope you don’t mind it black.”  
“Nah, nah, it’s fine,” Schlatt sat down across from Bad, “So, this whole fatherhood thing…”  
“Yes yes! I do in fact have some experience in the field. What all did you want to know?”  
“Like… Everything? I don’t know, this kid was dumped on my doorstep less than 24 hours ago.”

Bad’s face fell to confusion, “You… Found the kid on your doorstep? And you’re keeping it?”  
“Yeah. I don’t wanna deal with like foster care and such, the whole system is just a whole mess,” Schlatt hoped Bad didn’t realize that he had no clue what he was talking about.  
Bad nodded, “Right, right… So, I imagine you’re pretty underprepared for all this, with supplies and such? I’ll write you up a little shopping list of things you need for a kid!” Bad pulled out a little notepad and a pen. He came prepared for all this?

Bad wrote up the list, and Schlatt barely even glanced at it before he folded it and stuffed it in his pocket. “So, anything else you want to know?” Bad asked.  
“Nope. I mean, that’s all I need, right?”  
“Well… No, not really. I mean you have all the physical stuff covered, but there’s a lot of emotional stuff that comes with being a dad.”  
Schlatt didn’t know how to explain that he doesn’t exactly do emotions. Not with himself, and especially not with other people. But it’s not like he was about to say that out loud, especially to this parenting expert guy.

So he lied. “Uh, I think I have that all covered, actually.”  
“Oh! That’s great. Before I get out of your hair, I actually have a few really good blogs on parenting that should-”  
“Nope. I’m all good, thanks though.” That’s where Schlatt was finished with the conversation. He wasn’t about to be suggested some stupid blog written by some random wine-drinking white woman telling him how to raise his kid.  
“Well then,” Bad stood up from the table and gathered together his things, “I guess we’re done here. If you have any questions at all ever, feel entirely free to give me a call.”

After he left, Schlatt stayed for a bit, finishing his coffee and just considering what to do. He supposed the only thing he could do was head to the store.

**Author's Note:**

> oh holy shit that was probably super boring. i promise that later shit gets more interesting. my boy quackity gets like wayyy more involved in the plot later. this was all just kinda like an introduction thing hgsdjkhgdj.  
> also this was way too hard for me to write! how in the hell am i supposed to write jschlatt and badboyhalo interacting omfg. i hope i at least pulled it off likeeee at least a little bit well? idk. yell at me in the comments about how out of character everything is.


End file.
